Toy Story - An Affront To America (An April 1st Analysis)
Toy Story is easily one of the most blasphemous films to ever be released by pagan, communist Pixar. From the socialist propaganda in "Wall-E" to the attack on our proud energy industry in "Monsters Inc," these hippies know nothing but how to rot America's youth. Their tireless campaign to brainwash the masses with vulgar, crass, and vice-filled atrocities has been a vicious attack on our moral fiber from day one. But their crowning achievement cannot be denied: "Toy Story" is an affront to decent, ethical Americans everywhere.
A narrative out of an anarchist's wet dream, "Toy Story" tells the tale of Woody (voiced by liberal hack Tom Hanks) and Buzz (upstanding American Tim Allen, who loses major points for starring in this one), two toys that live in a sentient toy society within the bedroom of a little boy named Andy. Woody is the democratically elected leader, embodying everything that it means to be a real American: he's handsome, a great public speaker, and he looks good in leather. Meanwhile, Buzz is a foreign invader who stakes a claim on Woody's office. He uses his oily, foreign charms to brainwash the other toys into liking him, and it's up to Woody to save the day and restore order to the USA (United States of Andy).
SPOILER ALERT: Unfortunately, the movie takes a bizarre twist, wherein Woody also falls under Buzz's spell, becomes his friend, and sacrifices the foundation of everything he stands for to a filthy immigrant. I was heartbroken when Woody started to fall for Buzz's dirty gypsy tricks, and outright disgusted with all the homosexual undertones their relationship entailed. What's worse is that Pixar keeps rubbing it in our faces, recruiting legendary American songwriter Randy Newman to sully his legacy by writing the queer anthem "You've Got A Friend IN Me." Disgusting. Hasn't the all-American image of the cowboy suffered ENOUGH after the sin-fest that was "Brokeback Mountain?"
Everything else in this "film" is an attack on God and country. A young boy named Sid is vilified for his interests in engineering and space travel. Andy's mother is clearly some kind of whore as she doesn't have a husband in her life to make the decisions in the household, and even our brave men in uniform are turned into jokes when a pack of Army Men, one of the most all-American toys of all time, are utilized for a cheap sight gag. There's even a bit that pokes fun at the horrors of getting injured in combat when Andy's Mom carelessly steps on an Army Man, causing him to tearfully tell his commanding officer he might not make it. How do people get away with this?!
When I think of all the slime that has oozed out of liberal Pixar, my head gets dizzy. Their only saving grace is "Cars," a masterpiece that stands up with every John Wayne movie as some of the finest motion pictures ever made. Don't let your kids get indoctrinated by this vile trash. Give your kid a Lightning McQueen instead of a Woody this April 1st, they'll thank you for it when they grow up. As for the kids raised on "Toy Story?" I just hope none of them get elected to office, or this country is doomed.
